Confession: I almost, almost put “Ten Signs Your a Grammar Nerd” as the title of this blog post. Intentionally. Just to see how many people came over to decry my atrocious abuse of the English language.
Better counsel prevailed, and instead I want to welcome you to Bethany House’s little corner of the Internet, where you can be surrounded by fellow lovers of proper usage and punctuation, with nary a stray apostrophe or comma in sight.
Not sure if you belong? Here are a few signs. You know you’re a grammar nerd when:
One: You have a favorite punctuation mark. Probably a least favorite one as well. And you are fully equipped to explain why to anyone who wants to know (and quite a few who don’t).
Two: You can spot errors everywhere—Facebook posts, graduation programs, flyers on the bulletin board, lyrics for your church’s worship music—and once you see them, you can never un-see them. Never.
Three: You feel the need to look up every oddly-specific rule before sending an email or posting a Facebook update (“Does the question mark go outside of the quotation marks in this case?” “Is it an en dash or a hyphen?” “Is that the British spelling, or am I just wrong?”).
Four: You have an opinion about the Oxford comma. In fact, you might be willing to challenge someone to a duel over it. (I’m not 100% sure how this duel would proceed, but I picture two people bashing each other with Chicago vs. AP style guides until someone capitulates.)
Five: You physically twitch when spellcheck underlines something that is perfectly correct.
Six: You sometimes have nightmares about sending a text without noticing that autocorrect mangled your message.
Seven: You have corrected errors on printed materials in public, occasionally to the point of defacing private property, without getting caught.
Eight: You own red pens that vary in style and thickness. After all, every occasion demands a different correcting tool!
Nine: You understand the punch lines for all of these jokes:
“Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.”
“What do you say when comforting a grammar nerd? There, their, they’re.”
“There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities.”
“What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.”
Ten: You have located a mistake of some sort in this post and feel ridiculously triumphant about it. (I’m sure some exist. That’s why I’m in marketing, not editorial.)
Next week on the blog, I’ll share some grammar nerd stories from our editing and marketing team members here at Bethany House, including their pet peeves and a few rules they don’t think should really be rules.
How would you finish the statement, “You know you’re a grammar nerd when…”?
Such a fun post, Amy. I have to admit to being passionately in favor of the Oxford comma. En garde! And yes, I have been known to growl at spellcheck for giving me little squiggle lines when none are needed. Favorite punctuation mark? Probably the semicolon. I don’t use it often. It only comes out for special occasions, but who doesn’t love a winky face, right? 😉
Exactly, even the semicolon. You read my mind.
I’m with you all the way, on the Oxford comma, Karen! Although I’ll admit to not ever using a semicolon except in a winky face!
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
“I’d like to thank my parents, Mother Teresa and the Pope.”
Who says the Oxford comma isn’t necessary?
Lol!! Love it!
This sounds more like my sister than me. lol I have a few things about grammar that really bug me but she goes a bit over the top. lol Of course that is why I have her edit everything I write. 🙂
Absolutely, Dianna. We all need those grammar nerds in our lives!
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
You keep a college grammar handbook right next to your dictionary.
Good one, Rebecca! Multiple dictionaries might also be a sign of addiction.
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
You (I) want to contact the person, or friend, who always uses you’re instead of your. Grrrrr. 🤔😕
Haha, yes, Jenny, it’s a struggle! Knowing the time and place for these things is key.
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
When you own Strunk and White, The Little Brown Handbook, and the latest MLA Handbook.
Mary Koester
That’s a great reference section, Mary!
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
Ahhh, but how do we all feel about the extra s at the end of a possessive? As in, we all long for Jesus’s grace. Frankly, I ABHOR it. (I’d rewrite that sentence to say, “We all long for Christ’s grace,” just to avoid it!)
I know exactly what you mean, Sarah! I understand why it’s necessary to be consistent, but it looks so ugly.
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
True confession:
At my dad’s doctor’s office, there was a sign posted in the hallway: “RESTROOMS FOR THE HANDICAP ARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.”
That bugged me so much every time he had an appointment in that building. Eventually, when I took him to his doctor, I brought with me a little strip of the sticky part of a post-it note with “PED” written on it in black marker. I stuck it up on the sign at the end of “handicap” (which was very conveniently at the end of that line of text) and scurried away. I thought my little sticker would be gone the next time I was there.
And, as I thought, next time my dad had an appointment in that building, my little sticker was gone. And so was the sign, which had been replaced to include my correction.
I still count that as one of the great accomplishments of my life. 😀
This makes me so happy. Well done, Deanna!
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
This story has made me insanely happy!! XD I think botched public signs are one of my biggest grammar pet peeves… They make me cringe. Kudos to those folks, though, for correcting the error. 😀
I have a bit of a love affair with the em dash, personally. I can’t say why, exactly, but there you have it.
I get really bugged when people don’t use the Oxford comma–I almost always read it with the wrong inflection–and it also bugs me when people don’t use ‘I’ or ‘me’ correctly when pairing it with another noun in the sentence (Mum and I cooked dinner; Dad cooked dinner for Mum and me).
And don’t get me started on words like strawberrie’s *shudder*. I might need therapy just from typing that…
But now I’m second guessing myself on whether the full stop (period) should have been inside or outside the brackets in that second paragraph…
Yep. I’ve got it bad!
I love this! The em dash is my favorite as well. It just lends a nice speaking cadence to written communication.
The world needs its fair share of grammar nerds. Represent!
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
I only answered “yes” to 7 of 10 so I must not be a total grammar nerd. Right? That’s what I’m going to tell my brothers, anyway. 😉 And I blame any & all of my grammar nerd tendencies on my sister. We tease her about being a Grammar Nazi. And she tutored me all through high school so… *shrug* …it was bound to rub off on me a little.
I really love em dashes and ellipses (or suspension points) a LOT! Which probably isn’t a good thing because they’re so easy to overuse.
One thing that really bugs me is when I notice a glaringly obvious error on a public sign. *cringe*
The Oxford comma is a definite must! I’ve had this discussion several times over. Yes, I do have a tendency to notice grammar errors everywhere. Wish I could un-see them… but I can’t.
“You know you’re a grammar nerd when… you actually write in a library book to correct a grammar mistake.” (Yes, I’ve done that. More than a couple of times, actually.)
Confession: I once went through an entire library book and underlined every incorrectly spelled “ya’ll” I could find. The book wasn’t any good and that just grated on my nerves so much! Probably shouldn’t have done that, but it made me feel better. 😛
Are you saying they spelled y’all with the apostrophe AFTER the A? Because, being a contraction of “you” and “all,” and since there’s no A in “you,” the only place for the apostrophe is after the Y. It’s not a contraction of “ya will” or “ya shall,” so “ya’ll” doesn’t make sense.
Just sayin’, y’all. 😉
Yes, they spelled it with the apostrophe after the A. It makes absolutely no sense at all to spell it that way, but people do it ALL THE TIME and it drives me crazy! And being down south where people use that word on a regular basis, I see it misspelled a lot. 😦
That always floors me. It doesn’t make the least bit of sense. We must stand up for “y’all,” y’all! 😀
I completely agree! 🙂
Sorry, but you don’t need to get a perfect 10/10 to qualify as a grammar nerd! 🙂 Pretty sure you’ve joined the club.
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
Shh… don’t tell my brothers! 😛
When you hesitate to thank a certain person on Facebook, because certain person responds with “Your welcome.” Every. Single. Time. And it HURTS.
This made me laugh, Sarah! I always want to respond, “No, it’s not my welcome. It’s for you. I’m giving it to you.”
Amy Green
BHP Fiction Publicist
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I am prepared to fight to the very death over the Oxford comma.
As am I! I’m going to wrestling school simply so I can suplex those who oppose the Oxford comma.
What a fine gentleman you are. I admire your dedication, sir!
We must fight for what we believe in, ma’am.
*nods* very true. This is a noble cause.
The meme after the second paragraph. I’ve borrowed that to share on Facebook and I’m not predicting many likes as I know most won’t get it. Haha. I’m presently re-teaching myself grammar as I’ve forgotten most of it over the years despite having written stories that I intend to get published. I don’t believe in wings and prayers. If I’m going to write for a living then I want to be able to do it properly!
What a fun read! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Especially the jokes 😀
“What do you say when comforting a grammar nerd? There, their, they’re.”
Fantastic. Thanks for sharing.