Readers, what can we say? We love our books. And that love can sometimes be borderline obsessive. See how many of these signs of bookaholism apply to you. It might not be too late to get help.
One: You find yourself referring to fictional characters as if they were real. This isn’t too bad. But if you complain that you weren’t invited to Cole McKenna’s wedding or ask around for Katie Lapp on your next vacation to Lancaster County, I suggest an intervention.
Two: If you stacked up all the books on your To-Be-Read pile, someone would have to send in a search-and-rescue crew to dig you out of your house. (And you’d probably tell them, “Go away! Can’t you see I’m reading?”)
Three: You have named a pet or a child after a fictional character. Or at least seriously considered it. (Confession: growing up, I always wished I had been named Lucy after the character in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.)
Four: Others know to stay away from you when you’re reading a book. Especially if they can see you’re in the last few chapters. It could be hazardous to their health to interrupt.
Five: You’ve managed to convince yourself that books scattered around your home are really a sophisticated and simple form of interior decorating.
Six: You follow this blog (which you should . . . just click on the little button on the left to get a weekly email when there’s a new post!), as well as the blogs and Facebook pages of all of your favorite authors. This means you know the names of their kids and their dog, their favorite kind of coffee, and the exact day, hour, and minute when their next book will be available. And you’ll be there. Waiting.
Seven: Your library card is faded from frequent use, and the librarians all know you by name. You’ve heard rumors that they’re considering naming a wing of the library after you, since you are their most frequent visitor.
Eight: Sometimes your daydreams look like a book trailer from a romantic suspense novel. Because, really, who would want a normal, boring life when they could be investigating murders and running from criminals?
Nine: If your neighbors hear a piercing shriek, they won’t assume you’re being murdered or call the police. They’ll just figure you got a package from Amazon with a new release inside.
Ten: You have, on several occasions, neglected laundry, dishes, and sleep to find out what happens next. In fact, if someone sees you tired on a Monday morning, they don’t ask if you were out late at a party. They ask, “Another good book?”
Eleven: Your outrage when someone gives away the ending of a book can only be matched by your horror when someone disfigures one or tears out a page. And don’t even bring up the subject of book burnings. . . .
Twelve: Your list of qualities to look for in a spouse was/is suspiciously similar to the traits of the romantic lead in your favorite novel.
How would you finish the phrase “You know you’re a bookaholic when . . .”?